I often find myself being riled up by a constant foreboding owing to my recent severe headaches. I remember the day I was hit by it. I was working on my computer, been staring at the screen for a long time, for I code, which makes me forget the concept of time, and suddenly there it was.

It felt like something was pulling me from within, with the pull being directed from the back of my head. As if someone threw a rope across my head, and started hauling me from behind.

I left everything at once. I had some water, closed my eyes, put on the AC, and lay down on my bed, wondering what it was. How it had rattled me completely!

Now I have been getting those every few minutes, out of the blue. I am not sure what migraines are but there is a possibility that my condition might be tied to that. I come to gather from the internet that it could be what is called ‘tension headaches‘ owing to the location affected but I could only be sure once I visit a doctor. I have a checkup scheduled soon which might help in placing this pain, putting a name to the discomfiture.

If I try to look at the bright side, it could be the outsourced nerve across my neck trying to resuscitate sensations. But then I should be getting those in the operated area and not at the back of my head. But then it remains a mystery for now.

Even though it makes me inquisitive, it also makes me terrified. In my previous organization, there was a developer who had simply got up from his chair and collapsed. He was declared dead of unknown causes. It makes me wonder how powerless we are in the wide gamut of universal plans. There are some things that you can’t control.

Trying to paint an optimistic picture would be to chin up and think about the affliction as a roadmap to my healing. But the fact that I am constantly dealing with it every other minute of my life affects every experience I am supposed to otherwise enjoy.

Come to think of it, I often find myself torn between the three H’s – health, hobbies, and habits. On top of that, I also have to set aside a big chunk of my time for my office work, the one job that actually pays.

As the one popular Game of Thrones quote repeatedly said, ‘the night is dark and full of terrors’. I feel the road ahead is too, but the helplessness renders me incompetent, and that’s killing.