I blame you for messing me up,
For making me impalpable,
For not letting me learn
How to live in this crazy world,
For making me anxious
Even when misery isn’t around
To be my friend,
And I have trouble trusting people now,
For you left me scarred so bad
I am numb to ointments somehow,
And I don’t know what to do
With all this knowledge
Of people leaving,
That’s the only thing I know of,
And it scares me to death
When I hear doors getting shut.
I can’t handle love,
I can’t even tell it apart –
A talk from a whisper,
They both sound the same.
I don’t know how to be with people,
Or how to be without them,
I know of freedom so less,
That I tie people to my wrists,
And when they tug,
I go with them,
But when I tug,
They crave freedom.
You could have taught me how
To stay away from the things you love
For days at a stretch,
How to get along with absence,
Of how to stay the same
Even when hyenas
Circle around you for supper.
You could have shown me
What to do when a heart wells up,
To breathe more,
To take it easy
Even when things
Are on the verge
Of tumbling down.
You could have preached
How to forget people,
Like they were old toys,
That it was as easy
As picking them up,
And leaving them out
On the front yard for sale,
That their entry in your lives
Never shook your foundation,
And their parting never
Chimed a bell from hell.
You could have at least conveyed
How to be fine,
When others touched you,
While I could barely ever.
You could have trained me
On how to keep it together,
When you are falling apart.
You could have versed
Your pleasure on finding me
Jealous of those men around.
You could have slipped
A thing or two
About troubling hearts,
And prepared me upfront
To steer away
From all insecurities,
That come with yearning minds.
But no!
You had to go,
You taught me about heartbreaks instead,
About pain and disdain, and hatred,
You left a poor boy alone
In a world ruled by men.